Processing in progress…

With training camp and launching for the World Race approaching in less than 20 days, I am feeling the urgency to get everything done and to make sure to meet with everyone I can before leaving for this grand adventure. I have begun having some of my “last time before I leave moments”. This urgency feels very similar to what I experienced in the few weeks before graduating college and it brings about the same thoughts and emotions that I felt a few short months ago — reliving these emotions has made it challenging to even write an update for those I care for.

I am making plans, setting up final doctors appointments, and ordering all of the Amazon essentials, but I am struggling to face the magnitude of what leaving is going to mean for myself and those around me. I am in a constant struggle of doing all the things and actually processing what I am going into with this mission trip. I am leaving my family behind to do life without me. I am leaving behind the ministry I have been doing at my church for the past year and a half. I am leaving behind friendships and mentorships, relationships with youth students that have brought me so much joy throughout my time at my church. Everything I am leaving behind matters very deeply to me, making it that much harder to walk into this new season with excitement and joy.

My first inclination is to avoid the processing all together and to just focus on what needs to be done while not thinking about any of it too much, but that is not what I feel the Lord is calling me into in this season. I feel Him calling me into the sweetness and peace of His presence. He is reminding me that this is going to all be worth it and He has so much for me in this next season than just challenges. All He wants is my attention and my flesh wants nothing more than to live distracted and busy. He wants me to live intentionally pursuing His presence and genuinely experiencing the world around me. 

As I am trying to lean into the reality of the World Race and what the Lord is asking me for in this time, I am seeing areas of growth in myself. I am seeing that the Lord is asking me to face these big emotions head on and to actually experience them. He doesn’t just ask me to live in the still waters of emotion, never experiencing anything too joyous or too mournful. We see Jesus weep and we see Him rejoice — and He is the perfect Son of God, who we are called to imitate. The Lord is reminding me that He is right there with me as I am trying to work through all of this, I don’t have to figure it all out on my own.

So I am looking forward to sharing with you guys what this journey continues to look like. I am so grateful for the community that I have been given over the past few years. The role my family, both by blood and by choice, has given me the support that I’ve needed to be able to go on this mission trip. You all have loved me so well, both by picking me up when I’m down and by calling me to more when I need to hear it. I see the gift that the Lord has given me in all of you and I just want to say thank you for answering the call. Even with a heavy heart, I am expectant that the Lord is going to continue showing up in this season and I can’t wait to see what He is going to do.